halloween photos. there. all caught up!

my little butterballs

I'm a little behind with the posting this holiday season, and also a little out of order...maybe in a day or two I will get to Halloween (those pictures haven't been downloaded yet), so for now how about some turkey pics? I actually worked Thanksgiving, so we celebrated on the weekend, instead, and just the four of us, plus Stephanie. So I got to make a lot less food (although I did do a crockpot turkey for work, too). Andie Lucie waited very patiently for her food, as you can see...

While Aili really enjoyed her sparkling cider.

...And also turkey.

As you can see, far less food than previous years. And I didn't even bother with pumpkin pie or cheesecake; I personally was pumpkined-out.   So we had pear tarts, instead. Delish. No pics of those though...very sad I know. Afterwards, we still had lots of leftovers. 3 9x13 casserole dishes are now in my freezer of turkey enchiladas. 
(Notice in the picture how Aili is wearing a bathing suit under her dress? She's been doing that a lot lately, I kinda wonder if she is wearing it like a bra? Funny girl.)

 
 
 
 

reflections

It's been a hard week.
Okay, I am lying. It's been a hard couple of months. 
Did you ever stop to wonder, when did it get so hard? When, exactly, did life start to wear you down? And then you look at yourself and wonder how you ever got to be where you are right then. I don't think I am alone in that. Sometimes I can't figure out which is more surprising; where we've wound up, or how we got there. It could always be worse. I hate that, how people say it could be worse, harder, etc. Some people (including myself) know that all too well. That doesn't make it less challenging. 
I work in a birth setting, which is interesting. It's not all ponies and rainbows and unicorns (shocker). Sometimes it is, but sometimes it is sad and heartbreaking. Like when someone loses a child. I've had a couple of these recently, and while it is an honor, it also tugs at your heartstrings. It is an honor, because if you know for sure that you've experienced what will be one of the worst days of your life, you can only imagine what this might feel like. To get to be there, and maybe help in some small way, is an honor. If, through your own pain and suffering, you can empathize and absorb some of that person's pain and grief, you have a purpose. A couple of weeks ago I sat holding someone for twenty minutes in a bathroom while she experienced the worst day of her life, and I was pretty powerless. All I could do was hold her, tell her she wasn't alone, and that I wasn't leaving. Anybody who has ever heard the screams that come from a mom who has lost her child know that it's the worst sound in the world, one that cuts straight to your insides and makes you wonder what kind of God would make parents lose kids and genocides and suffering and about a thousand other things that make absolutely no rational sense whatsoever. I once read something that really resonated with me, that gave me purpose for my life and made me think about what I wanted to pass on. It's by Robert Fulghum, and I will quote it here:

(from a philosophy teacher, when asked what was the meaning of life)~

" When I was a small child, during the war, we were very poor and lived in a remote village. One day, on the road, I found broken pieces of a mirror. A German motorcycle had been wrecked in that place. I tried to find all the pieces and put them together, but it was not possible, so I kept only the largest piece. This one, by scratching it on a stone, I made round. I began to play with it as a toy and became fascinated by the fact that I could reflect light into dark places where the sun could never shine- in deep holes and dark closets and crevices. It became a game for me to get light into the most inaccessible places I could find. I kept the little mirror and, as I went about growing up, I would take it out in idle moments and continue the challenge of the game. As I became a man, I began to understand that this was not just a child's game but a metaphor for what I might do with my life. I came to understand that I am not the light or the source of light. But light- Truth, understanding, knowledge- is there, and it will shine in many dark places if I only reflect it. 
I am a fragment of a mirror whose whole design and shape I do not know. Nevertheless, with what I have I can reflect light into the dark places of this world- into the black places in the hearts of men- and change some things in some people. Perhaps others may see and do likewise. This is what I am about. This is the meaning of my life."

This Thanksgiving, I am thankful for my dear friends and family, who support me and hold me up when I fear I can't do it on my own. Who stand by my side and never leave, even in the darkest hours. Even when I don't like myself very much. Who listen and let me cry, hug and hold, empathize and don't minimize. I hope that, whether professionally or personally, I have been able to do that for someone. To absorb a little bit of their pain with an understanding heart, one that has been there too and knows. One that will listen and never judge. This is the meaning of MY life.   

Until we meet again... (I will blog this week, I promise. I gots stuff to say!)

someone is happy i am home...

I'm in California. And that's all I have to say, today.

mama's girl

baker...more gorgeous than i remember

Baker, upside down. Damn Blogger.

This past weekend we went camping at Baker, a first for me. I'd done some hiking (such as the gruesome-but-gorgeous Church Mt trail), but I'd never gone right up to the mountain before. It sure is gorgeous. There is something about Washington in the late summer, even a true Californian such as myself is in awe of the breathtaking beauty. I wish I had brought my camera; the iphone pics really don't do it justice. It was really nice to get away with some of Jeff's friends and rough it for a night- sometimes it feels like that doesn't happen enough anymore. Things haven't exactly been "normal" lately; I have been working a ton (for me, anyway), and my sleep schedule is even more messed up than usual- I'll go to bed between 3-5am and wake up by 8am and try to get a nap in if I can. My insomnia has hit a whole new level. Or, maybe I am just enjoying my last months of nighttime alone time before I switch shifts and have to start acting like a normal person, who knows. There is so much on my mind right now. One thing I do know, I am super sad that summer is wrapping up. I'm not ready for fall yet. Like everything else, it just went by way too fast. It's like they say, those best things end before you even realize it started. Wow, it really must be 1am since I am not making much sense. But yeah....that Baker sure is beautiful!

my hubby's sweet surprise to celebrate one year at providence :-)

Yosemite!!! Mile 3 of the 13 mile Polohana(?) trail

our patient's aren't the only princesses at MY job... :-)

my favorite sisters

more rock and roll marathon pics...the space needle sure is pretty right?

rock and roll seattle... my first half marathon!

It was a pretty good race, all things considering.Especially since I didn't train as much as I wanted to! Now I've just got to keep the momentum going and pick another race. I want to do muddy buddy Portland in September and maybe a 10k... When we were doing the half, I would pass the markers for 5K, 10K, and 15k I kept thinking those seemed so easy in comparison lol! I can't imagine doing the full 26.2...wow. It was pretty cool though because a lot of people I know did it! Looking forward to next year.

This girl is stylin' (ear muffs, snow boots, and a sun dress. And you know what? She makes it look goooood)

A trip down memory lane...

the curse of the second child...poor lu! :-)

mommy's little helper...she sure does love flowers/gardening

away i go! (fully caffeinated and ready to hit the road to spokane to meet mr owen!)

more facebook/nursing funnies

After a craptastic week at work, this made my night. God bless facebook. Nursing is hard, heartbreaking, frustrating, and sucky sometimes, but if you make time to laugh, it does help. A little. I think :-) www.whatshouldwecallnursing.tumblr.com

beautiful girls. (not that i'm biased)

sweet dreams, baby

Happy Mother's Day!

I am very lucky to have a GREAT mom. She has always been there to listen, offer advice, and lend a shoulder to cry on. I am really very lucky. For mother's day this year jeff and I had to work, so we celebrated a couple of days later. Jeff and Aili had gotten terra-cotta pots for the girls to paint for me (mom gave me this idea) and we also created another garden area in the front with a gardenia, peonies, yews, and a Camellia. Also got 2 more wine barrels, one for either side of the driveway, and we planted 2 standard roses (rose trees) and petunias. I was pretty excited. Oh and my pots were placed out in the yard in the shape of a heart :). Aili was so excited to show me the present she made-little coupons for things like taking a walk with her, a hug from her, etc. And the outside wrapping is shown in the picture. I am so lucky and so blessed.

my sweet girl in big sur

YEEEAAA!!!!! California! (Big Sur in the pic)

a new little cook in the kitchen...

This little kiddo picked out her own outfit at our friend's house. She reminds me of the pillsbury doughboy; I just want to pinch those lil' cheekies!

overwhelmed.

That is the theme of my life right now. Just...overwhelmed. So I end up doing nothing, because I don't even know where to start. Here is my kitchen. After a day with my kids, this is how it looks. I've been trying to make things better but I don't know how. I thought, maybe, the solution is to do small things, a lot. So I made a list. 5 healthy habits. And I am going to try hard to do them.

5 habits for getting things done when I'm overwhelmed~

*Start, and end, each day with a tall glass of water
*Do something with the laundry each day. Do a load, fold a load, whatever. Just something.
*Before being lazy and sacking out in front of the TV, do just 10 minutes of hard work. In 10 minutes, you can clean the bathroom countertops, or wash a few dishes, or throw a load in.
*go to bed by midnight at the latest, even if it requires drugging myself with benadryl, because I am useless if tired in the morning. And cranky.
*get dressed by 10am every day. Make an attempt to look presentable, and you'll feel less slovenly, and probably get more done.

Does anyone else have a list? How do you keep from feeling overwhelmed???

another picture of miss aili... alki beach

scooby dooby do

Apparently, Scooby can be scary. As evidenced by these oh-so-adorable little girls. One day, hopefully before too long, there will be less work, and more time for playdates. I was forced to do a little overtime this week, unfun. I don't do overtime. I don't care if it pays well. You know what they say; overtime pays so well because of what you're missing. And I don't want to give up anything.

the last of the twenties...

I turned 29 yesterday. I guess I have mixed feelings about it; on the one hand, it is just a birthday, however, it is the last of this decade of my life. I haven't exactly accomplished everything I'd hoped to by this age, so if we could just pause it that would be awesome. That being said I hear your 30s is better- your 20s is where you pay your dues, are overworked and overwhelmed with Childcare duties right? But physically, your body is still somewhat able to handle all of those stressors, so that is good. And I have a lot of amazing experiences from my 20s. So, I am in no rush for it to be over. Here are a sample of things my 20s have brought:
1. A lot of crazy partying in my early 20s. Going out a lot, being free to drink a little too much, and just be care free. Ahhhh memories.

2. Having roomates. You learn a lot from that. Sitting on Kristin's bed and just talking about everything that was going on in our lives.

3. Finding, and losing, love

4. Traveling. Lots of traveling. Playing soccer with tribes in the amazon, doing yoga in India, feeding deer in Japan, renting a boat by myself in Hong Kong, safari in Tanzania, climbing temples barefoot in Myanmar, skydiving in South Africa, getting stupid drunk in a bar in Cuba (ahhh mojitos...) getting lost in Vietnam...and so much more, too much to type.

5. Getting married. The wonderful security of knowing that you're with the kindest person you've ever met, who loves you, supports you, and is always on your side. Who became a firefighter/medic because he wants to save people, he wants to make this world a better place, and at the end of the day, we can talk to each other about our bad day at work and the other gets it. Our bad day at work is not like other people's, our bad day includes fears about killing people. Perspective.

6. Being pregnant and giving birth twice.

7. Becoming a mom...snuggling a baby late at night, nursing, watching then do all the "firsts," the first time they say "I love you mama..."

8. Becoming a nurse. Surviving nursing school which academically wasn't too bad but was the hardest two years of my life, alone in a new place, living alone, dumped for another woman, lonelier than you can imagine... It was horrible. I threw up every day for a long time. But I did it. And I am better for it.

9. Working in a hospital, seeing and helping with birth and death, handing a baby over to be held for the first time, holding someone's hand when their family was gone so they wouldn't die alone.

So, it's not that I don't feel ready for my 30s. I'm ready, but I like still feeling young, and having energy (some days!) Being in your 20s is pretty amazing. After all no matter how great being in your 30s might be, what chance could it possibly have to top all of that?

:-)

Sick Baby :-(

We've all had the nasties here; when will it end?! Ugh. Now Aili's got it, poor baby! She's a bit miserable with her 103.9 degree fever. I tried getting her to eat/drink by bribing her with juice and cupcakes but alas, no luck. Am I a terrible mother for worrying that I might have to call out sick again tomorrow at work?! I called out because of Anabelle's fever, a week ago, which was my last shift. And I'm still not over my cold/laryngitis. Sickies and sniffles be gone!