Things I Want to Teach My Daughters

"I'm no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I'm changing the things I cannot accept." -Angela Davis

So, perhaps you've heard, it's International Women's Day.
Am I a feminist? 
Heck yeah, I am a feminist. I'm a believer in equality, and standing up for all marginalized groups. A quote from Rush Limbaugh: "Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream of society."

...What? And a lot of people (including women...) listen to this man.

Midwives celebrate women every day in the work they do, and soon, I will be one of them. I only hope I can serve this calling to the best of my abilities.
 I think about these three beautiful girls whose care and upbringing I have been entrusted with. The further into my schooling I get, the more I realize that this was meant to be. I am supposed to be the mother of daughters. I am supposed to teach them to be strong, independent, caring, and ambitious. How the heck do I do that?? Sometimes I don't even feel strong myself. 

In celebration of today, I am making a list...

Growing Girls: Things I Want to Teach My Daughters

1. Don't get sucked into the psuedo-feminist "you can have it all" mindset. You cannot have it all; no one can. Figure out what you are most passionate about, and let your heart and head lead you accordingly. 

2.  Your body is your own. It is not mine, and it is not a future spouse's or partner's. You and you alone make the decisions for how you take care of it, what you do with it, and who you share it with. I promise, as your mother, and as a women's health care provider, that I will give you the very best education possible, even when you do not want to hear it. I promise to help you when and if you need it. 

3. Happiness is not always a choice. If you are having trouble handling your life, if you are depressed, anxious,  or in need of help, I will be there. I get where they are going with the whole "happiness is a choice" thing, but it minimizes the substantial mental health issues that some people have. Please reach out to me if you need help...it's here and it can get better. 

4. However... keep this in mind: My uncle, one of the smartest men I know, said "The key to happiness is low expectations." Hear me out, he has a point. There can be joy in the ordinary, joy in the everyday. There are people in this world who are happy with far less than you or I. Don't expect piles of money, a fancy car, or a perfect house to make you happy. 

5. Take care of your body not to look good, but to stay healthy. This is kind of a "duh" one, but true. External beauty fades, but health and happiness are radiant. 

6. Trust your gut, but always be willing and ready to amend a first impression. Keep an open mind not just with people, but ideas.

7. Travel. See the way other cultures work, broaden your mind to a different way of life. 

8. Figure out a way to support yourself. You are the only one that can save you. It's fine if you're passionate about art, or cheese-making, or whatever. But please have a plan. And have some training for a career where it is easy-ish to find a job. Even if you decide to be a stay-at-home mom...husbands/wives can become disabled, or die. The unthinkable does happen. Be prepared.

9. Be kind. Kindness and compassion are what defines us as human. 

10. Sit with the uncool kid at lunch sometimes. If you are well-liked and popular, use it for good. Never talk about a "really cool event" you're going to if others around you weren't invited. 

11. It is ok to cry, it is ok to have emotions. Try to think of it as being emotionally intelligent. Sometimes people cry because they have been strong for too long...Strong people know they can't always get through everything on their own. Allow those who love you to help you. 

12. Be confident. It truly is contagious. And this IS a decision. I used to be shy and meek, and then I stopped. Did not really see the point of that. And I am so much happier this way. 

13. Do not be afraid of difficult conversations. A good example I have for this is mental health and suicide. Asking someone if they have thought about suicide does NOT increase their chance of committing suicide! Please people. Along with this, be wary of anecdotal evidence. Sorry, this is the scientist in me coming out. If something is your opinion, and not fact, or backed up by research...call it your opinion. Ok off my evidence soap box now :-) Another example I have is when you are in a relationship, but you are afraid of opening up. There is no good relationship without trust. And if you are rejected...at least you will know, you did everything you could. 

14. Have a bucket list. I mean why not. Life really is short, plan accordingly. And don't wait to do the things you really want to do. 

15. Don't wait to say I love you, if you do. That may be the last thing they hear. Life is weird, life is fickle, life can be so very short. How often will you truly regret saying I love you? I have had a few I love yous in my life that have changed my whole life. Those words are powerful. 

16. Go skinny-dipping at least once. But I mean, be smart about it. I know a few private places! :-D (I am kind of expecting a bail-me-out-of-jail call should you get caught now...)

17. Think of everything as an experience...life is full of them. What can you take from it?

18. Never forget that inequality still exists. Please don't marginalize groups of people by saying things like, "All lives matter," or, "The best way to address racism is to stop talking about it" (sorry Morgan... :-))
When did not talking about it ever make something better?
And of course all lives matter...but the point is, there are people that are oppressed. There are people being treated unjustly. They need the help, support, and most of all recognition that these are issues that still affect people today.

19. Smile. Make small talk. It isn't beneath you. Your minute of time talking to the older gentleman at starbucks may make his day. Also, it is a great way to network. 

20. Please remember...everyone has something to teach. Don't look down on those "below" you. And everyone has something to learn.

I love you, darling daughters. Now go make this world better...I believe in you. 

I think she is pretty great :-)

"Faith is the bird that feels the light, even when the dawn is still dark." 

😍💗❤️

Lisa's pic of my little lady... Happy Valentines Day, dear family and friends. Hope you all are feeling loved and blessed this year. 

busy days and heavy hearts

So, it's been awhile since I've blogged. I could blame it on the fact that i've essentially been a single parent for the day-to-day stuff lately as Jeff is working his hiney off in Washington, but really, that isn't it. Maybe it's a I've-got-too-much-to-say-so-instead-I-say-nothing kind of thing? Life has been full of some ups and downs lately. 
First, Jeff's grandma lost her short battle with cancer right before baby Avie's birth. We were hoping she'd make it to meet her; she's always loved seeing pictures and hearing about the kids. Luckily we were able to make it down to Oak Harbor a couple of times, (including the infamous Andie-on-ketamine-and-versed trip) but we wish we'd gone more.
Then, Avery was born. One life leaves and then another enters. It's funny the way that works sometimes; my grandfather died right before Andie Lu's birth. Wonder if everyone met up in heaven before our little ones entered this world...

And then, we had a heartbreaking family tragedy, where my cousin desiree lost her husband, Jesse, on June 30 in a wildfire. Jesse was a hotshot and one of the bravest and most inspiring people you'd meet. Everytime I saw him I was resolved to run more, laugh more, and spend more time with family. I have so many awesome memories of him, these are some of my favorites:

* His dancing. He rocked the sprinkler and lawn mower
*Playing crazy taxi in the den
*Stealing grandma's meat pie and eating the whole thing, and then trying to start the dirt bike to ride down the sidewalk (alchol may have played a role here...)
*Him running 26 miles to Cambria...and me running the last 6, and then losing him, and finding him pacing on the side of the road. When I found him he was next to roadkill and a tarp, his plan was to use the tarp for shelter and eat the roadkill for dinner ;-)
*Glamis. Him forcing me to stay awake all night after driving from SD so we could party
*His impressions of desiree and I on a drive back from Phoenix...soooo insulting. So funny.
*Sun bathing on his truck...and then borrowing it to go for a hike. Sorry about that, Jesse.
*Sword fighting at the Tacoma pt defiance zoo

There are so many more, but these all make me smile. In a family that sometimes got too serious, he helped keep things light and made room for fun and pranks. I can't believe someone so larger than life is gone, and my heart aches for my beautiful cousin. She is also one of the bravest people you'll meet, and I know that she will do the best job of honoring his memory for their children. 

Here is a link to a clip about Jesse and the hotshots, there are tons of videos and news articles on mine and my family's facebook pages as well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JiApVzJkbGY&sns=fb

In other news, we have been busy having fun in Paso this summer. It didn't quite go as planned, I made a couple of trips out to Arizona obviously that were very last minute, and now we have been relaxing here. Well, as much as you can relax when you've got three young kids to entertain while the husband's home in washington. We've been going to the pool almost every day, we've had swim lessons, gone to the beach, lots of park trips, the farmer's market, Avila barn, lake nacimiento/boating, the fair, and more. Still left is Steph and Ari's trip, disneyland, big sur/monterey/carmel, the waterpark, and maybe if I can squeeze it in some CE (nursing continuing ed, but that would probably have to be in LA/SF/or SD, so we'll see). I have a million photos, all of which I downgraded the quality to upload quicker (hey, I wanna go to bed), but you can get the general idea. 
I had some goals for maternity leave:

Lose baby weight (uhh...no comment. can i just say that taking care of kids mostly by yourself leaves little time for work outs? I know, I know. No excuses!)

Potty train Andie (FAIL. She is crapping anywhere and everywhere. My kids humiliate me publically so frequently I practically have no shame, but when she pulled a diarrhea diap off in target and started walking down the aisles flipping up her dress with her nakey poo butt exposed, even I wanted to hide. And there has also been pooing on the patio and then running the stroller through it, pooing and wiping her bum with objects such as chalk and shoes, pooing at the pool....need I go further??)

Get Aili Swimming (Doing pretty well. Yay aili!)

Get Aili taking more responsibility for herself- showering herself, dressing herself in appropriate clothes, etc. Doing pretty well.

Ok, So it's August and I have some work to do. Oh well. At least we're all still alive and the kids are having fun, right???

 

Yeah, the quality of those emailed iphone photos is terrible and I DON'T CARE. I no lovey photography enough tonight to fix it, I LOVE SLEEP MORE. You get the idea...fun times. Minus the poo thing. 

Pictures from the Arizona trip: Below, outside the hotshot's fire station: 

Burned landscape near Yarnell:
 

 When ya Gotta go, well...

 Everyone else in the car was excited to drive through this...I was having visions of Dorothy and Toto:

Needles, CA- The girls really wanted to stop and swim (and, ahem, me too)
 

We received roses at the memorial, and once they'd wilted, I didn't have the heart to throw them away. So instead I decided we'd toss them out somewhere pretty on the way home. This is where we chose, while driving, it looks kinda like what I'd imagine heaven looks like...
 

Some late-night snacking...
 

 

 People always say "RIP" when people die, but if I know Jesse, he's not resting. He's probably staying plenty busy up there in heaven helping people, motivating people, and having fun. Kinda like in life down here. See you on the other side, we'll miss you dearly.

baby avery's newborn photos

I couldn't resist having a little photo shoot with my sweet girl today...

Here she is at 9 days old, and as cute as can be.

 

 

 

My lovely co-worker Zanna knitted me this adorable onesie...she is super talented :-)

 



I don't think she was a fan of this photography wrap I bought for her, she kept trying to escape! She likes having her hands up by her face.

 



 

 

 

She even woke up for a little bit and let me get some pics of her pretty eyes

I've been knitting her diaper covers. What's worse than a mom who insists on knitting a bunch of outfits and then dressing baby up? One who can't.stop.taking.pictures.

 



Her little booties I made her are a little too big still. Oh well.

We took a break to nurse

 



 

I also made her this blanket too

I also made these booties :-)

 



Jeff took some photos of the two of us

 



She looks a little spooked here!

 



 

Obligatory ring photos

I still need to do the family photos (That will be a little challenging. Tripod maybe?) and photos with the other girls. But I figured this was enough for one day!