So, perhaps you've heard, it's International Women's Day.
Am I a feminist?
Heck yeah, I am a feminist. I'm a believer in equality, and standing up for all marginalized groups. A quote from Rush Limbaugh: "Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream of society."
...What? And a lot of people (including women...) listen to this man.
Midwives celebrate women every day in the work they do, and soon, I will be one of them. I only hope I can serve this calling to the best of my abilities.
I think about these three beautiful girls whose care and upbringing I have been entrusted with. The further into my schooling I get, the more I realize that this was meant to be. I am supposed to be the mother of daughters. I am supposed to teach them to be strong, independent, caring, and ambitious. How the heck do I do that?? Sometimes I don't even feel strong myself.
In celebration of today, I am making a list...
Growing Girls: Things I Want to Teach My Daughters
1. Don't get sucked into the psuedo-feminist "you can have it all" mindset. You cannot have it all; no one can. Figure out what you are most passionate about, and let your heart and head lead you accordingly.
2. Your body is your own. It is not mine, and it is not a future spouse's or partner's. You and you alone make the decisions for how you take care of it, what you do with it, and who you share it with. I promise, as your mother, and as a women's health care provider, that I will give you the very best education possible, even when you do not want to hear it. I promise to help you when and if you need it.
3. Happiness is not always a choice. If you are having trouble handling your life, if you are depressed, anxious, or in need of help, I will be there. I get where they are going with the whole "happiness is a choice" thing, but it minimizes the substantial mental health issues that some people have. Please reach out to me if you need help...it's here and it can get better.
4. However... keep this in mind: My uncle, one of the smartest men I know, said "The key to happiness is low expectations." Hear me out, he has a point. There can be joy in the ordinary, joy in the everyday. There are people in this world who are happy with far less than you or I. Don't expect piles of money, a fancy car, or a perfect house to make you happy.
5. Take care of your body not to look good, but to stay healthy. This is kind of a "duh" one, but true. External beauty fades, but health and happiness are radiant.
6. Trust your gut, but always be willing and ready to amend a first impression. Keep an open mind not just with people, but ideas.
7. Travel. See the way other cultures work, broaden your mind to a different way of life.
8. Figure out a way to support yourself. You are the only one that can save you. It's fine if you're passionate about art, or cheese-making, or whatever. But please have a plan. And have some training for a career where it is easy-ish to find a job. Even if you decide to be a stay-at-home mom...husbands/wives can become disabled, or die. The unthinkable does happen. Be prepared.
9. Be kind. Kindness and compassion are what defines us as human.
10. Sit with the uncool kid at lunch sometimes. If you are well-liked and popular, use it for good. Never talk about a "really cool event" you're going to if others around you weren't invited.
11. It is ok to cry, it is ok to have emotions. Try to think of it as being emotionally intelligent. Sometimes people cry because they have been strong for too long...Strong people know they can't always get through everything on their own. Allow those who love you to help you.
12. Be confident. It truly is contagious. And this IS a decision. I used to be shy and meek, and then I stopped. Did not really see the point of that. And I am so much happier this way.
13. Do not be afraid of difficult conversations. A good example I have for this is mental health and suicide. Asking someone if they have thought about suicide does NOT increase their chance of committing suicide! Please people. Along with this, be wary of anecdotal evidence. Sorry, this is the scientist in me coming out. If something is your opinion, and not fact, or backed up by research...call it your opinion. Ok off my evidence soap box now :-) Another example I have is when you are in a relationship, but you are afraid of opening up. There is no good relationship without trust. And if you are rejected...at least you will know, you did everything you could.
14. Have a bucket list. I mean why not. Life really is short, plan accordingly. And don't wait to do the things you really want to do.
15. Don't wait to say I love you, if you do. That may be the last thing they hear. Life is weird, life is fickle, life can be so very short. How often will you truly regret saying I love you? I have had a few I love yous in my life that have changed my whole life. Those words are powerful.
16. Go skinny-dipping at least once. But I mean, be smart about it. I know a few private places! :-D (I am kind of expecting a bail-me-out-of-jail call should you get caught now...)
17. Think of everything as an experience...life is full of them. What can you take from it?
18. Never forget that inequality still exists. Please don't marginalize groups of people by saying things like, "All lives matter," or, "The best way to address racism is to stop talking about it" (sorry Morgan... :-))
When did not talking about it ever make something better?
And of course all lives matter...but the point is, there are people that are oppressed. There are people being treated unjustly. They need the help, support, and most of all recognition that these are issues that still affect people today.
19. Smile. Make small talk. It isn't beneath you. Your minute of time talking to the older gentleman at starbucks may make his day. Also, it is a great way to network.
20. Please remember...everyone has something to teach. Don't look down on those "below" you. And everyone has something to learn.
I love you, darling daughters. Now go make this world better...I believe in you.
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| I think she is pretty great :-) |
