Sweet Torture

Sometimes, it feels like working a 0.9 (37.5 hour per week) night shift is a really bizzare form of torture- I'm tired, groggy, my sleep cycle is totally messed up on my days off, and making it through the night sans-sleep and being a fully functioning and capable nurse seems like a joke. 
Which is not to say I am not grateful.
Having just switched jobs in an effort to be closer to home and have more time with my family, I am well aware that I am Low Gal on the Totem Pole. In fact, since labor is a "desirable/popular" specialty, and is hard to get into, most people who get a job here seem to be internal transfers, meaning, people who worked in another department in the hospital and were able to get in here finally. Sooo I have the least seniority, since that is based not on how long you've been with the department but rather the organization as a whole. According to stats I found, so far this year there have been 4,617 applications for RN jobs, and so far just over 100 actual hires. I feel grateful and blessed to be able to be here and help people.
A few weeks after I started, emails started circulating warning us of lay-offs, and now it is confirmed that 150-175 jobs will be lost. Bummer. I just came here from a place where I had a good amount of seniority. I hope I did not make the wrong decision. I think we can all say that we are well and sick of the current economic climate; it's getting to the point where it is like Washington in the summertime: How often do you have to say 'this year is especially bad' before you can say that it is just the "new normal??" It seems like our country is no longer just in a slump, but rather this is just the way it is. This isn't meant to be a "political" post...I'm just so tired of things being so down. It's so sad that so many have lost their livelihood and are struggling. As I work hard to make it through these next few challenging months, I hope I can remember this. Even though I'm working more hours than I want to. Even though I think it would be "better" for my family if I was a part-time working mom (isn't it funny how they won't let me do this, even though they are implementing lay-offs? Maybe I should double check on that...) Even though I hate the fact that I have to work with very little sleep. I hope I am helping people. Ultimately, that is why I am doing this, and that is what gets me up and gets me to work for these lovely 12.5 hour night shifts :-) Here's to hoping I don't get laid off before this all pays off and becomes worth it!